CARL: Who got the biggest d*ck on the east coast?  Carl Nayson baby, what's ya name

TIARA: Tiara, you just go around announcing how big ya d*ck is to the whole world?  You could never be my man doing bullsh*t like that

CARL: Who the F*CK said I was trying to be ya man?

TIARA: You asked me my name, didn't you?

CARL: I asked the paperboy his name to, so what the f*ck, I wanna be his man to?

TIARA: You probably is a f*ggot n*gga, you yelling to the world how b*g ya d*ck is, men can hear you too mutha f*cka, advertising azz n*gga.  Who was the last b*tch you f*cked?

CARL: I f*cked this chick named Stacey, this morning.  F*cked the duck sauce out that b*tch to.

TIARA: Stacey who?  Stacey Charles?

CARL: Yea b*tch, Stacey "I got the duck sauce f*cked outta me" Charles

TIARA: oh sh*t (laughing hard) that's my cousin.  I should call her right now.

CARL:  Call that b*tch, I f*cked her this morning.

TIARA: I'm dialing the number now.

STACEY: (on phone) Hello?

TIARA: Stacey, you know some n*gga named Carl Nayson?

STACEY: Yea, that n*gga was here this morning

TIARA: Did you f*ck him?

STACEY: Girllllllllllllllll, yes, that n*gga f*cked the sh*t outta me, I wasn't even going to go to work

TIARA: Ok, I'll talk to you later

TIARA: Well Mr. Nayson, she said you f*cked her real good

CARL: Told you that already b*tch

TIARA: Carl, can you stop calling me "b*tch" baby please?

CARL: Oh now I'm baby?

TIARA: Yes baby, I wouldn't be standing here wasting my time talking to you if you wasn't "baby"

TIARA: Carl, can I ask you a question?

CARL: Run ya mouth

TIARA: How can I get the duck sauce f*cked out of me?

CARL: First step is to jump in my car

TIARA: You want me to "jump" literally baby?  That way you can see these big t*tties bounce.

CARL: Yea you making my sh*t hard, get in this f*ckin car.

(Carl and Tiara are f*cking in the car, when a car pulls up behind them)

TIARA: Carl, somebody behind us, oh sh*t its Stacey

CARL: Yea, let's get this mutha f*ckin threesome poppin

TIARA: Aint no f*ckin threesome poppin, I can't let that b*tch see me right now.

CARL: She lookin in ya car

TIARA: What she doing now?

CARL: She sees my car,  uh oh, here she come

(Stacey looks in car and sees Tiara)

STACEY: B*tch you f*ckin this n*gga too? 

STACEY: I should slap the sh*t outta you

TIARA: B*tch you acting like this ya man, he aint ya man, stupid azz shouldn't of told me how good that d*ck was

CARL: She said that?

STACEY: You supposed to be my cousin though, how you gonna f*ck somebody I f*cked, not only that but I f*cked him this morning Tiara!

TIARA: Get over it

STACEY: You can stop jerking off Carl, what is this sh*t turning you on?

TIARA: This n*gga jerkin off while we arguing, crazy

STACEY: Tiara, do it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Tiara snatches Carl's pant's out the backseat, and jumps in the car with Stacey and they drive off)

TIARA: Now who's the two smartest b*tches on the East Coast, Tiara and Stacey baby.

STACEY: Let's count this money see how much this n*gga had

TIARA: Gott damn Stacey, he got 4 different knots in these pants

STACEY: You count two, I count two

TIARA: I counted 15,000

STACEY: Same here, the b*tch azz n*gga must of been going re-up or something

TIARA: Stacey, I aint trying to scare you, but the cops are behind us.

STACEY: Oh - My - F*ckin - God

(Tiara and Stacey were both arrested and charged with robbery, Carl called the cops on them as soon as they drove off, they were both sentenced to 6 months in prison cause it was their first offense, now they are in jail)

TIARA: (yelling at all the inmates) Which one of you AIDS infested hookers stole my f*ckin honey buns?

TIARA; Aint nobody saying nothing?  Thats my word the next person I see eating a honey bun, I'm going to slash they mutha f*ckin throat

CORRECTIONS OFFICER: Ms. Charles, you can't go around threatining the population.

TIARA: F*ck you cracka, one of these b*tches went in my locker and stole 5 of my f*ckin honey buns and the next b*tch I see eating a honey bun is gonna know what a knife feel like

CORRECTIONS OFFICER: I need back up in L Block, inmate is claiming to have a weapon, we are gonna need a cell search too.

TIARA; (looking out the corner of her eye, she sees Stacey passing honey buns to another inmate named "Latina")

TIARA: B*tch, we came in here together, I know I didnt just see you pass my honey buns to Latina.

LATINA: Nah Tiara, chill these is my honey buns, I told her to hold them in her cell for me cause, I aint want my celly to know I had them.

TIARA: Ok, I know how we can find out if those are mine or not, I put little dots around the bar code on all my food, so if those honey buns have little dots around them, somebody getting f*cked up.  Let me see the bar code.

LATINA: I aint letting you see sh*t, these my honey buns and I aint gotta prove a mutha f*ckin thing to you.

TIARA; That's ya word?

LATINA: That's my mutha f*ckin word b*tch.

TIARA: So I'm gonna have to take um from you?

LATINA: Then I will have to take ya life from you.

TIARA: That's ya word?

LATINA: Real talk.

(Tiara didn't want any problems with Latina's fat azz, this b*tch runs L Block and been doing time her whole life, Tiara and Stacey is just some newbies)

TIARA: F*ck you b*tch (Tiara walks away)

STACEY: I'm gonna chill here with Latina

TIARA: F*ck both you b*tches

LATINA: Yea, she gonna stay here with me, (Latina grabs Stacey azz and pulls her close)

TIARA: (Talking to herself) I cant believe this b*tch stole my sh*t and is feeding and f*cking this fat b*tch Latina.  This sh*t is crazy.  I'm gonna get my honey buns back.  I gotta plan.

LATINA: Still grabbing Stacey's azz, come in my cell mami.

STACEY: I'm  not in the mood to f*ck, Latina, my cousin Tiara is pissed at me.

LATINA: (sticking her hand down Stacey's pants)  I will make you feel better.

STACEY: (trying to pull away) Stop Latina, please

LATINA: Get yo azz in this cell b*tch (she drags Stacey into the cell)

LATINA: (talking to another inmate) Go tell C.O. Jones to come here

LATINA: C.O. Jones told me if I can get you to suck his dick, he would let me get a special visit from my girlfriend.  I aint seen my girl in like 4 years.  So you gonna suck his d*ck, you  hear me?

STACEY: I aint sucking that pink d*ck Latina

LATINA: Yes you are b*tch.

STACEY: No I'm not!

C.O. JONES: Hey ladies, you ready?

LATINA: Yea Jones, she ready, pull ya sh*t out she'll suck it

(Latina pulls Stacey arms behind her back, while C.O. Jones rubs his penis on her face)

LATINA: Open ya mouth b*tch!!

C.O JONES: Latina, this b*tch better open her mouth or your not getting that visit

(Tiara comes back to Latina's cell, looks inside and sees C.O. Jones rubbing his d*ck on Stacey's face.)

TIARA: (To herself) I can't believe this b*tch is sucking C.O. Jones d*ck, I wonder what she is getting out of that sh*t

LATINA: Suck it b*tch!!!

STACEY: (with mouth still close) nope

LATINA: Jones, I will rip this b*tch clothes off right now and let you f*ck her, I'll hold her while you do it.

C.O. JONES: No, I'm going back to work, you can kiss that visit goodbye.

LATINA: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

(as C.O. Jones is leaving the cell he sees Tiara right there watching the whole thing)

TIARA: Yea you f*ckin little d*ck cracka, I seen the whole sh*t and I'm gonna tell the warden.

C.O. JONES: Wait, wait, what do you want, just tell me what you want and it's done, anything.

TIARA: I want to be released

C.O. JONES: Ok, I will see what I can do to get you two released, I will see what strings I can pull.

TIARA: You two?  Did I say I wanted Stacey to come with me?  I wan't to be released alone.

C.O. JONES: Ok, I will see what I can do.

(a week later C.O. Jones comes to Tiara's cell)

C.O. JONES: Tiara, your being released in the morning

TIARA: I better be getting released, if you would of took one more second, I was going to the warden and telling him how you had you little pink d*ck all on my cousin face

C.O. JONES: No need to do that, your outta here in the morning, have a nice day ma'am

TIARA: Yea mutha f*cka, you want to show respect now.

TIARA: Let me pack my sh*t

(Word got around to Stacey, that Tiara was leaving)

STACEY: Tiara, please tell me what I'm hearing isn't true, your leaving?

TIARA: I'm out you f*ckin theif, and I could of got you out to, but you stole my f*ckin honeybuns

STACEY: How are you leaving?

TIARA: Nosey b*tch, don't worry about it

STACEY: Where are you going to live?

TIARA: I aint worrying about that sh*t, I will worry about that when I'm gone

STACEY: I got a letter from Carl

TIARA: F*ck Carl, police azz n*gga

STACEY: Well, I got a number for you to call him, he wants you to call him

TIARA: Give it to me

STACEY: Can we talk

TIARA: Nah, I don't talk to pink d*ck loving, honey bun stealing, dike b*tches

STACEY: Damn

TIARA: Get out my face, I'm going to sleep until the morning

(Tiara falls asleep, wakes up in the morning, and is released, she decides to call Carl)

TIARA: (on phone) I need your help, I need you to come get me from the jail, I need money, the least your snitch azz could do is gimmie some money so I can get on my feet.

CARL: I will be there, we will talk then

(Carl arrives at the prison to pick up Tiara, she gets in car)

CARL: Hey mami, gimmie hug.

TIARA: N*gga you can't be serious.

CARL: Tiara, I had to call the cops, you took $30,000 from me, what the f*ck you expect me to do?

TIARA: Listen Officer, I aint here to talk about that, I need some money, that will make me forgive you.

CARL: I aint hustling anymore, I work at Target.

TIARA: You f*ckin lame.

CARL: I don't have money, but I can give you a place to stay until you get ya self on ya feet.

TIARA:  N*gga, what the f*ck would I look like living witht the mutha f*cka who snitched on me?

CARL: If you don't want to, then you don't have to, but where else you gonna go?

TIARA: F*ck it, let's go, I'll stay with ya snitch azz until I figure out a money scheme.

CARL: Ok let me bring you there.  You keep calling me a snitch, but how the f*ck you get out before Stacey?

TIARA: N*gga don't worry about it, just drive, I don't want to talk to you.

CARL: Wow, ok

TIARA: Wow is right n*gga, sh*t aint sweet, I just need somewhere to stay real quick, you a f*ckin snitch n*gga.  So shut the f*ck up and drive.  I don't conversate with snitches.

CARL: Whateva yo. (Car pulls up in front of Carl's house)

CARL: This is my crib (they both walk inside)

TIARA: This sh*t is small as f*ck n*gga.  You aint even got a bedroom! Damn you a snitch and you fell off.

CARL: I'm doing ok. 

TIARA: You doing ok?  N*gga you got a one room shack with a bathroom.  I robbed ya azz for $30,000!! That was like 4 months ago.  You one of them new type n*ggas.

(Woman comes out of bathroom)

CARL: Ohhh, Tiara, this is Lani, Lani, this is Tiara.

LANI: Is this the same Tiara that robbed ya azz?

CARL: Yes

LANI: You a f*ckin weirdo n*gga.  Why is the b*tch here?

TIARA: Watch who you call a b*tch

CARL: Ladies, Ladies, relax, Listen Lani, She needs a place to stay, so I told her I would let her stay here until she gets on her feet.

LANI: Let me get this straight, you about to let a B*TCH who robbed you for $30,000, stay in your crib, while she get on her feet?

TIARA:  That's twice you called me a b*tch, one more time and we going to see if you can fight.

CARL: Tiara baby, chill the f*ck out.

LANI: Did you just call this b*tch "baby"?

TIARA: Thats three!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Tiara jumps on Lani, immediately getting on top of her and bashing her head into Carl's wooden floor.  Tiara had a tight grip of Lani's hair and just kept crushing her head into the floor, blood was everywhere, Carl did not even attempt to break it up.  Lani's body was not moving.  Tiara got off of her looked at Lani's body and kicked her in the face 20 times in a row, Carl just sat back watching.  Lani wasn't moving, blood was everywhere.)

TIARA: Carl, did I kill this b*tch?

CARL: She's a wrap

TIARA: F*ck it, I told this b*tch to stop calling me a b*tch

CARL: F*ck all that, we need to get the f*ck outta here

TIARA: Carl baby, please don't tell on me again, I'm sorry for the way I been talking to you but please don't snitch on me.

CARL: Nah, we in this sh*t together

TIARA: That's ya word?

CARL: That's my word.

TIARA: Lets go then.

CARL: Where you wanna go? (I gotta take a sh*t)

TIARA: Yea while you pissing, I'll think of what I want to do.

(While Carl is shitting, Tiara leaves the house and dials 911)

TIARA: (on phone with cops)  I just went to go see a old friend of mine and I saw a dead body laying on the ground in his house, he tried to grab me, but I ran off and called the police, I am scared.  The body is at 430 Main Ave.

OFFICER JACKSON: (knocking on Carl's door) Open the door.  Police!!!

CARL: Holy sh*t!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where the f*ck is Tiara

OFFICER JACKSON: Open the f*ckin door, this is the cops, we are going to bust it down

CARL: (thinking) Oh my f*ckin god, what the f*ck am I going to do.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!! (the door gets busted down)

(the police catch Carl trying to move the body into another room and arrest him)

(At the police station, Carl is being questioned)

DETECTIVE ARNOLD: Ok Mr. Nayson, let me get this straight, you are saying that a WOMAN beat this young lady into a bloody pulp?

CARL: Yes officer, I swear, I swear, I told you her name is Tiara Anderson and she is trying to get me back for calling the cops on her when her and her cousin Stacey Anderson, robbend me for $30,000.  Thats the truth officer.

DETECTIVE ARNOLD: Soooooo, how do you explain, YOU, Mr. Nayson, attempting to move the body into another room, when my officers busted in?

CARL: I was scared officer.

DETECTIVE ARNOLD: You should be, murder is a serious.  So this Tiara girl, tell me more about her.

CARL: Grimey b*tch, sheistiest female on the planet, that describes her perfectly.

DETECTIVE ARNOLD: Well Mr. Nayson, based on you trying to move the body we can send you to jail for a long time, but we want the actual killer.  So we need you to find Tiara.  We are going to give you a wire to wear and we need you to get her to admit in some way, that she is the one that actually did it.  Don't try and run away, my officers will be watching.

CARL: Officer, this girl is not stupid, it's going to be damn near impossible to get her to admit that she killed Lani.

DETECTIVE ARNOLD: Well then Mr. Nayson, its simple, YOU go to jail.

CARL: Ok, I will see what I can do.

(Meanwhile, Tiara is losing her ming, she was just released from jail, just killed somebody and has nowhere to stay, She has no money)

TIARA: (Thinking to herself) Damn Tiara, you are f*cked up, you have nothing, you need money fast.

(Tiara sees this old white guy named Ben,  Tiara introduces herself)

TIARA: How you doing handsome

BEN: I'm ok

TIARA: My name is Tiara

BEN: I am Ben

TIARA: Listen Ben, I just came out of jail, I have no money and I need a place to stay, If you let me stay with you, I will pay rent by sucking your d*ck everyday and letting you do whatever you want to me.

BEN: I'm a married father of 3 teenage kids!

TIARA: Ohhh, so wifey runs the show in your house, I see

BEN: No, but I do need to show respect, how would I look, bringing a beautiful young woman like yourself in my home to stay and on top of that, I don't even know you.

TIARA: Damn, I wish I would of new you was scared of your wife before I started talking to you, could of saved us both some time, I hate men who act like b*tches, mutha f*cka I am offering to suck your d*ck everyday just to have a roof over my head, and youre saying "no"  You must be gay.

BEN: Easy now woman, there is nothing gay about me, I will f*ck your little throat out, jump in this car and I will see if we can figure something out.

TIARA: This is your car? 2010 760i BMW.  Nice

BEN: Yes my dear. (ben pulls out a crack pipe and a 20 piece of crack and takes a hit)

TIARA: What the f*ck are you doing mutha f*cka? You a crackhead.

BEN: lol, yeea I'm a crackhead, sh*t is good too try it.

TIARA: I don't smoke crack, cracka

BEN: Then you can't stay with me, I like my b*tches to be high on crack when they are sucking my d*ck

TIARA: Is it good?

BEN: Excellent

TIARA: Are you high right now?

BEN: I can't feel my face

TIARA; "WHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" (Tiara hits Ben right in the nose with a gun she stole from Carl when he was taking a sh*t)

TIARA: Don't move Ben, what you got in these pockets, ok, this is good, $3,000

(Tiara gets out the car and sees Carl, She is in Shock)

TIARA: (why aint this mutha f*cka in jail?  He's snitching on me I bet, Its time to finally put a end to this snitching azz n*gga, he don't even see me)

TIARA: Hey yo Carl

CARL: Tiaraaaaaaaaa, whattup,

TIARA: Nothing b*tch n*gga, you snitching again?

CARL: Hell no I-------

TIARA: BLAOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

(Tiara pulled the trigger and shot Carl right between the eyes and ran off)

(Back at the police station, the officers are talking)

DETECTIVE ARNOLD: This woman is dangerous, I want to know her whole life story NOW!!!!!!!

SECRETARY: Yes sir, I right on it

(Tiara managed to flee the scene of Carl's murder, but witnesses were able to describe her)

TIARA: (on the phone with her boy Quan who is on the run also, click here to read his story now)

TIARA: What up my n*gga?

QUAN: What's good Tiara, why ya name all over the city, everybody talking about clapped Carl and his girl.

TIARA: Anyway, how you doing Quan?  I heard you bodied Menace.

QUAN: Anyway, Where you at?

TIARA: I'm behind a dumpster on Pearl Street.

QUAN: Stay there, I'm going come get you in 5 minutes.

(Quan arrives, Tiara comes from behind dumpster and jumps in car, gives him a hug)

TIARA: So we both wanted for murder, lol, thats crazy

QUAN: Yea, they going to have to kill me

TIARA: Hell yea n*gga, you strapped right now Quan?

QUAN: Nah, I left it at the crib.

TIARA: Yea, well that was a bad idea Quan, (Tiara pulls out gun) get the f*ck out the car n*gga.

QUAN: Ohhhhhhh, Tiara, you don't want to do that.

TIARA: Get ya retarded azz out the mutha f*ckin car n*gga!

QUAN: Ok, Ok, relax mami.  I aint gonna let this sh*t slide Tiara.

TIARA: You talking way too much Quan. (she jumps in the drivers seat of Quan's car)

TIARA: Bye babyyyyyyyyyyyy, look at the bright side, I could of killed you (drives off)

(While Tiara is driving, she keeps thinking she should of killed, Quan, but she know he aint going to tell anything because he is on the run also, she got a car now, so feels she's making progress, She stops at the red light)

(phone rings)

TIARA: Hello?

STACEY: What up girl, it's Stacey

TIARA: What you want Stacey, sh*t is crazy right now.

STACEY: I'm out of jail.

(before Tiara can respond, Quan walks up on her while she is at the light, sticks his hand through the window and grabs the gun off of Tiara's lap and then jumps in the backseat)

QUAN: Hang up the f*ckin phone b*tch!

TIARA: Stacey, I gotta go.

STACEY: Ok, I will call you back later

QUAN: Gimmie the f*ckin phone!

TIARA: Quan, just chill, you don't know what I'm going through right now, I'm trying to survive, that's why I did what I did, you know you my n*gga, but I needed a car.

QUAN: You gonna pay for that, you really robbed me for the car.  I can't believe it.

TIARA:  Quan, I'm on the run for 2 bodies and I smashed this cracka in the face with the burner.  I'm just trying to stay free, I apologize.

QUAN: You f*ckin crazy yo. (gun still pointed at back of Tiara's head)

QUAN: I'm sorry baby, but you gotta pay for that, nobody f*cks with Quan and gets away with they life, but I think you cool, so I'm going to let you keep your life.

TIARA: Ok Quan, What do you want, lemme guess, you want your d*ck sucked?

QUAN: You knowwwwwwww ittttttttttttt!

TIARA: Same ole Quan.  I need to pull over somewhere then Quan.  Do you think I can get some d*ck in this p*ssy too?  All this crazy sh*t got me horny as f*ck.

QUAN: I don't know.  But you definately going to suck this d*ck or you finished.  (gun still pointed at back of Tiara's head)

TIARA:  Quan, I heard you, start taking your sh*t off in the back while I'm driving. 

QUAN: I already got my sh*t out.

TIARA: I'm saying Quan,  I like for n*ggas to be butt naked when I give head, take it all off, stop being shy.

QUAN: You acting like you want to suck this d*ck.

TIARA: I'm horny as f*ck Quan, and I always had a lil thing for you.

(Tiara knows Quan well, she knows Quan only likes p*ssy if he's taking it, he doesn't like for it to be given to him, so she is pretending that she wants to f*ck, so he won't want it)

QUAN: You buggin yo, I want you to choke on this d*ck and if you don't I'm shootin

TIARA: I aint got no problem choking on that sh*t Quan, and hold the gun to my head while I'm sucking, I like that.

(20 Cop cars block off the road and surround the car Quan and Tiara are in, Quan is in there with his pants down and the gun in his hand.)

TIARA:  Thank god you guys are here he tried to rape me with that gun, he was making me drive somewhere so he can rape, oh my god, thank god you arrived, he was telling me how he just killed some guy named Carl.

DETECTIVE: This gun that you are holding Mr. Quan is the same gun that Carl Nayson was murdered with.

QUAN:  I didnt kill Carl, she did the b*tch is lying

TIARA: Oh my god, I'm shaking, I'm scared, thank god you arrived.

DETECTIVE: Quan you have the gun that Carl was murdered with in your hand, you are wanted for the murder of Menace Jones, and you have your pants around your ankles in the backseat of a car.  This doesn't look good.

DETECTIVE: Well Tiara, we are sorry, we actually thought YOU were the one that murdered Carl.  Well we are going to make sure justice is served, Mr. Quan here will never be released, I can guarantee that.  You go on now with your life and I'm sorry for the things that Quan has put you through.

THE END.

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